Sarah Palin Has Left The Building (In Which Reality Resides)

I normally don't read @SarahPalinUSA's tweetstream.  First of all, why the hell is it @SarahPalinUSA, not just @SarahPalin?  There can't be that many Sarah Palins in the world that she needs to differentiate herself from, and it strikes me as childish conservative posturing - "Real Amurricans" and all that.  All she needs now is an American flag and a bald eagle in the back window of her pickup truck...  And second, reading it gives me a headache, and I have yet to figure out if it's the bizarre use of txtspeak (yes, I realize 140 characters is short, but Roger Ebert and I manage to be grammatical within that constraint; why can't you, Sarah?), the breathtakingly unabashed conserva-bizarro-world "logic", or simply the repeated thudding of my head on the desk that's the cause.  But today, someone RT'd a genius satire account into my timeline, @SP_Translator.  SP_Translator's twitterstream consists of RT's of a Palin tweet, followed by a "translation".  For example, this morning:

SarahPalinUSA: Now headed to ANWR; 20,000,000 remote acres of US oil & gas;we'll show you what it really looks like,unlike extreme enviro's fundraiser pics 12:42 PM Aug 16th via Twitter for BlackBerry®

SP_Translator: I'm heading to the Alaska National Wildlife Reserve. I might kill something. And, if I'm really lucky, I'll kill everything! @SarahPalinUSA 12:48 PM Aug 16th via web 

It made me laugh, so I followed.  The "translations" dilute the stupid enough that it's not a toxic dose, so even seeing the original Palin tweets only makes me roll my eyes, because I know something funny will shortly follow.  With a couple of exceptions, of course...


...So you've been following the Dr. Laura thing, right?  She went off at a black woman on her radio show, who had called in asking for advice in dealing with her white husband and his white family and friends who were sometimes racist around her, including using the n-word (which I will not type out in full for any reason, period the end.  You know which word I'm talking about).  Dr. Laura yelled at her about hearing black people use the word themselves and by god if you people can use it, so can us white people!  Basically.  But it included Dr. Laura actually saying the n-word something like eleven times at the woman, to prove her point.  Many many people were very very angry about this, complained, Tweeted, blogged, called her advertisers, and she announced today that she's ending her show.  Good fucking riddance to her homophobic, transphobic, fauxminist, gender-essentialist bullshit.  


Of course, what controversy with a conservative woman at its center would be complete without the Palinator weighing in?  Sure enough, on Twitter this afternoon, she said...

Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!

Dr.Laura:don't retreat...reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence"isn't American,not fair")

Head, meet desk.  Again.  Not least because of the odd use of quotes in the second tweet.  See what I mean about her fucking bizarre txtspeak?  Worse than a 12-yr-old on sugar, that woman is, with a phone's keyboard in her hands.


Anyway, eleventy-billionth verse, same as the first, a whole lot louder and a whole lot more fucking annoying because ye gods, do you people not get it yet?  What have you got in place of your brain pieces, spent brass and a copy of Atlas Shrugged?  Sing it with me, progressives:  The 1st Amendment guarantees that the government will not censor you for reasons of content suppression.  It has NOT ONE FUCKING THING to do with what OTHER PEOPLE think of you and how they express that opinion.  We are well within our rights to criticize an out-and-proud bigot for her bigotry.  If she weren't saying something that is completely unac-fucking-ceptable according to polite society (and her advertisers) there wouldn't be a damn thing we could do to her.  It's not us that's the problem, it's her racism that's gotten her in trouble.  


The other thing that gets me about that pair of tweets is the whole "unshackled=more powerful!" crap.  It strikes me as trying to turn a frown upside down, only it's totally bizarre (I use that word a lot when I'm talking about Palin, don't I?  Heh.) because, um, without her radio, sure, she's not "shackled" by the need to be marginally polite and not (too much of) a raging bigot...but she also has no platform.  Which was kinda where that power came from, yes?  How is a woman willing to yell the n-word at a black woman to make a point going to be "powerful and effective", cut off from the major platform for her message?  


Well, she might try getting a job at the AFA.  If they're willing to give Bryan Fischer a platform, Dr. Laura should fit right in.


PS: What's a "Constitutional Obstructionist" anyway?  The only way I can make that work out, semantically, is that she means people who obstruct her agenda by following/using the Constitution.  Which is hilariously, and probably unintentionally, accurate.  I think I'm taking that for my new title.  "[MyLegalName], retail wage slave by day, blogger and Constitutional Obstructionist by night!" ^_^